i permit you to call me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
