I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
