The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
