Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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