You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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