What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
