How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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