Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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