i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
