what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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