I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
