My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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