Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
