Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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