does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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