If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
