I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
