i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
