i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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