Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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