Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
