were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize