What a fucking waste of an outfit
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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