D3 body, D1 cock
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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