I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
