Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
