That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
