In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
