That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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