Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
