tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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