I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
