after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
