dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He shit in the fireplace
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
