are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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