There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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