Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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