pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
