i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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