I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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