Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
