i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this just has baby written all over it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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