Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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