oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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