So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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