At least make sure they are 18
Why
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
