I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
