Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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