Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
