Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
