I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
