He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
