idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
