i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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