His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just invented taco cereal.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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