Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
