The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
