I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
