I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize