Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
