Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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