I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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