he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
