Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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