I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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