i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
