You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
