I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You made out with two different species that night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
