so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
