he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
