am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
