If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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