The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
