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• (619): View more from California

  no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Shut the hell up.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Proud of you.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.

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