at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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