They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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