I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
