Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
