we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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